They Are Called Private Parts for a Reason

This week at school ran a bit more smoothly.  If I set Friday aside as an example of how well the week went, i'd be full of shit though.  My kids were maniacs, mentalists as my British colleagues like to say.  I sat in on their computer class (my break) per a mother's request due to her concern that her kid isn't getting it.  I took my computer with me and sat in the back with Momo (said student) and helped as needed.  My back row seat was the perfect place to observe.  Most of the kids, in their frenzied excitement to get their grubby paws on a keyboard, didn't notice that I never left the computer room.  Dummies.  What I witnessed was utterly embarrassing.  Talking over the computer teacher, not following directions, interrupting, being heathens.  After the class ended and the computer teacher told my students to line up, I walked to the front of the classroom.  Deer in headlights.  Yeah, I got you, ya jerks.  After the computer teacher "dismissed" them from class I told them not to move.  "Get in two straight lines."  I don't play around.  I asked them, "Do you behave like this every Friday in computer class."  Silence.  That's what I thought.  I turned to the computer teacher, and asked him.  He said they often behave this way and some of the other classes do as well.  I assured him that things would be changing.  I turned to my kids and told them they embarrassed me and promised that if they couldn't do better next Friday there would be no more computer class (I probably can't actually do that, and frankly wouldn't, because it's an hour I don't normally have to be around them.. but what do they know, though?).

This weekend is Loy Krathong, its a "romantic holiday" and a time to pay respects to the water spirits or Water Goddess.  It takes place on the full moon in November.  People create intricate krathongs out of a slice of a banana tree trunk (think round disc, a couple inches thick), banana leaves folded, flowers, candles, incense.  Sometimes people place a coin, as an offering to the water spirits, onto the float.  Others will add some nail clippings or strands of hair to get rid of negative thoughts for the coming year.  You then take your krathong to any body of water on Sunday night to release it.  If it floats away, you will have good luck.  If it comes back or doesn't float away, basically you're screwed for a year.  Great.  I read somewhere that this day also marks the end of rain season, we'll see about that.  If you don't make your own krathong, there are vendors selling them around water.  You can also buy lanterns for good luck in love for the next year.  I share this wealth of knowledge, because the afternoon was spent helping kids make krathongs and I wanted to also share some pictures.  They use little straight pins to attach beans, flowers, little round berries, and lettuce or banana leaves.

Some of them did a better job than others, but when it was all said and done, it's pretty amazing that they can make these things.  Prior to yesterday, I never would have thought giving six year olds a box of straight pins would have been a good idea.  They were super proud of themselves,

"Teacher, will you snap me?"    

"Teacher, photo?"  

"Picture, teacher?"

That is powder on their faces.  They put that on after they shower or get wet in Thailand.  I have invested in some myself, and let me tell you, it's life changing.  I think I finally understand why men love Gold Bond powder so much.  

Swimming class yesterday was also mortifying from start to finish.  Swimming is after lunch and math class.  These kids can't wait to be in their swimming clothes and they cannot understand why I don't let them sit in math class in only their swim suits.  No, of course it's not that big of a deal, but it's hard enough getting anything done in that hour, so I figure if they still have their regular shirts and pants on, it gives the illusion of learning.  Plus, I said no the first Friday I spent with them, so I can't change my mind now just because they try to take their pants off every Friday after lunch.  On this particularly wild day, math class ended and total mayhem struck.  I have never seen my kids act like idiots before, but that's exactly what they were doing.  I mean, they turned into apes, rolling around on the floor, standing on chairs, throwing things around the room.  For awhile I just sat there and watched.  I can't lie, it was amusing.  One student walked over to me and asked what I was doing.  I replied, "I'm not swimming today, so I don't care if we make it."  That student spread the word and they slowly noticed that their antics weren't getting them to the water.  They all sat in their seats like semi respectable human beings and waited to be dismissed to line up outside the classroom, as we do each time we leave.  After the last group was permitted to join the rest of the class, I turned off the lights, grabbed my keys and water bottle, locked the door and turned around to find something that I absolutely never could have prepared myself to see.  One of the smartest kids in my class had his hands in the air, swim shorts pulled down just enough, with his hips swinging and his wiener just flopping around.  Jesus, Joseph, and Mary.  You think you've seen it all and then you find one of your first graders swinging his johnson around for all of the world to see.  I shouldn't have raised my voice and made any deal about it, but I was so caught off guard.  I made the kid walk with me on the way to swimming so we could discuss what "private" parts means.  He'll probably have some weird sexual issue when he gets older because his first grade teacher from America, the land where sexuality is shameful, perpetuated those beliefs in Thailand the day he whipped out his penis in line before swimming because some other kid did it first but didn't get caught.  

They were morons all through their swimming lesson as well, but at the end of the day, they started giving peace offerings, starting with my little exhibitionist.  "Teacher Mac, I have this for you."  Cool, tell your mom I said thank you for sending way more flowers than you actually needed.