Muay Thai

Last weekend, a colleague of Carey's invited us along to a Muay Thai Fight night.  Having no idea what to expect, but knowing I absolutely wanted to go, left me feeling anxious.  When we got out of the car at the arena, you could hear the music pumping, you could see the people standing to the side, waiting for the battles to begin.  To be clear, i've never been to any fight.  The closest i've gotten is a pay per view party with my brother's frat brothers when De La Hoya was defeated by Mayweather by a split decision.  I was crushed because prior to that fight, there were several late nights with dad where I felt an unexpected inclination toward De La Hoya.  I didn't even know who the guy was the first time I watched him, but I could see the fire in his eyes and I just thought, "this guy is the real deal."

Per usual in Thailand, the arena was an open air facility.  There was a small concession stand just before you walked into the seating around the ring where they were selling water and beer.  I snagged a couple and Carey's colleague Bobby showed us where the best available seats in the house were.  Second row back from the ring.  The first fight was between two young boys, maybe eight or nine.  Their focus was evident and I never saw an ounce of concern or fear.  They've probably been training for this their whole lives and chances are, this wasn't their first rodeo.  They were incredibly small, barely older than the kids I teach every day.  With every kick and punch one of them landed, I cringed. I just hoped they'd get through the five rounds without any blood.  The next fight was another pair of young boys, maybe a year or two older than the first, but still younger than I can ever imagine any boy being prepared to take a hit knowingly.  On and on the fights went and the men got older, bigger, stronger, faster.  There was one fight between two women.  The final fight was between two farangs (white guys).

What struck me most about this event was the civility.  Each fighter stepped into the ring.  Music (from the live "band") begin and, from their respective corner, they would begin a walk around the ring with one hand touching the highest rope.  They would then kneel in each corner and wai, or bow their head in what looked to be prayer.  They continued all the way around the ring, simultaneously, until they ended up back at their starting point.  I found out this routine was to ward off evil spirits that could cause damage to either fighter.  The two would then step to the middle of the ring where they would get down on their knees.  The music would change, and they would both begin a series of movements, each unique to the person presenting them.  They would stand and continue their movements, again around the ring.  This is in honor of the coach who has been training them.  Before the fight begins, the fighters also hug.  They battle it out for five rounds.  From what I could gather from Bobby (who spent the majority of the night going to the gambling mats), points are earned not just by hits landed or blocked, but also how the fighter carries himself.  The less affected they seem, the better.  The crowd helps as well.  Naturally, the longer the fight goes on and the more bets are placed, the more involved they all get.  When your fighter lands a hit, you yell "hey!"  There were a few instances of "Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!"  You can't help but get into it, even if you haven't bet or you're still cringing each time someone gets nailed.  Between the fourth and fifth round, each fighter goes to the opposite corner and their opponent's team cares for the fighter, giving him water and prepping him for the final round.  After the fight ends, the fighters hug again.  I caught myself thinking several times how lovely it all was, how traditional and respectful.  

I didn't place any bets.  I did see some blood.  I had some beers.  I met some new people.  It was a really fun night and I look forward to the next one.

They Are Called Private Parts for a Reason

This week at school ran a bit more smoothly.  If I set Friday aside as an example of how well the week went, i'd be full of shit though.  My kids were maniacs, mentalists as my British colleagues like to say.  I sat in on their computer class (my break) per a mother's request due to her concern that her kid isn't getting it.  I took my computer with me and sat in the back with Momo (said student) and helped as needed.  My back row seat was the perfect place to observe.  Most of the kids, in their frenzied excitement to get their grubby paws on a keyboard, didn't notice that I never left the computer room.  Dummies.  What I witnessed was utterly embarrassing.  Talking over the computer teacher, not following directions, interrupting, being heathens.  After the class ended and the computer teacher told my students to line up, I walked to the front of the classroom.  Deer in headlights.  Yeah, I got you, ya jerks.  After the computer teacher "dismissed" them from class I told them not to move.  "Get in two straight lines."  I don't play around.  I asked them, "Do you behave like this every Friday in computer class."  Silence.  That's what I thought.  I turned to the computer teacher, and asked him.  He said they often behave this way and some of the other classes do as well.  I assured him that things would be changing.  I turned to my kids and told them they embarrassed me and promised that if they couldn't do better next Friday there would be no more computer class (I probably can't actually do that, and frankly wouldn't, because it's an hour I don't normally have to be around them.. but what do they know, though?).

This weekend is Loy Krathong, its a "romantic holiday" and a time to pay respects to the water spirits or Water Goddess.  It takes place on the full moon in November.  People create intricate krathongs out of a slice of a banana tree trunk (think round disc, a couple inches thick), banana leaves folded, flowers, candles, incense.  Sometimes people place a coin, as an offering to the water spirits, onto the float.  Others will add some nail clippings or strands of hair to get rid of negative thoughts for the coming year.  You then take your krathong to any body of water on Sunday night to release it.  If it floats away, you will have good luck.  If it comes back or doesn't float away, basically you're screwed for a year.  Great.  I read somewhere that this day also marks the end of rain season, we'll see about that.  If you don't make your own krathong, there are vendors selling them around water.  You can also buy lanterns for good luck in love for the next year.  I share this wealth of knowledge, because the afternoon was spent helping kids make krathongs and I wanted to also share some pictures.  They use little straight pins to attach beans, flowers, little round berries, and lettuce or banana leaves.

Some of them did a better job than others, but when it was all said and done, it's pretty amazing that they can make these things.  Prior to yesterday, I never would have thought giving six year olds a box of straight pins would have been a good idea.  They were super proud of themselves,

"Teacher, will you snap me?"    

"Teacher, photo?"  

"Picture, teacher?"

That is powder on their faces.  They put that on after they shower or get wet in Thailand.  I have invested in some myself, and let me tell you, it's life changing.  I think I finally understand why men love Gold Bond powder so much.  

Swimming class yesterday was also mortifying from start to finish.  Swimming is after lunch and math class.  These kids can't wait to be in their swimming clothes and they cannot understand why I don't let them sit in math class in only their swim suits.  No, of course it's not that big of a deal, but it's hard enough getting anything done in that hour, so I figure if they still have their regular shirts and pants on, it gives the illusion of learning.  Plus, I said no the first Friday I spent with them, so I can't change my mind now just because they try to take their pants off every Friday after lunch.  On this particularly wild day, math class ended and total mayhem struck.  I have never seen my kids act like idiots before, but that's exactly what they were doing.  I mean, they turned into apes, rolling around on the floor, standing on chairs, throwing things around the room.  For awhile I just sat there and watched.  I can't lie, it was amusing.  One student walked over to me and asked what I was doing.  I replied, "I'm not swimming today, so I don't care if we make it."  That student spread the word and they slowly noticed that their antics weren't getting them to the water.  They all sat in their seats like semi respectable human beings and waited to be dismissed to line up outside the classroom, as we do each time we leave.  After the last group was permitted to join the rest of the class, I turned off the lights, grabbed my keys and water bottle, locked the door and turned around to find something that I absolutely never could have prepared myself to see.  One of the smartest kids in my class had his hands in the air, swim shorts pulled down just enough, with his hips swinging and his wiener just flopping around.  Jesus, Joseph, and Mary.  You think you've seen it all and then you find one of your first graders swinging his johnson around for all of the world to see.  I shouldn't have raised my voice and made any deal about it, but I was so caught off guard.  I made the kid walk with me on the way to swimming so we could discuss what "private" parts means.  He'll probably have some weird sexual issue when he gets older because his first grade teacher from America, the land where sexuality is shameful, perpetuated those beliefs in Thailand the day he whipped out his penis in line before swimming because some other kid did it first but didn't get caught.  

They were morons all through their swimming lesson as well, but at the end of the day, they started giving peace offerings, starting with my little exhibitionist.  "Teacher Mac, I have this for you."  Cool, tell your mom I said thank you for sending way more flowers than you actually needed.

Teaching in Thailand

The weekend went by way too quickly, which is always fascinating when you don't do much.  I know, I know.  I live in Thailand, what do I mean I didn't "do much?"  This week I got through some sinus stuff.  Apparently slinging drinks across bars meant that I was able to build up immunity against adult germs and creepy men, but not against small children germs.  They sneeze and cough and lick their fingers.  Oh, and want to touch you all the time.  Hugs, high fives (that's my fault), open this, hold that, breathing on you, close talking, the list goes on.  I love kids.  So after dealing with further securing the well being of my immune system and throwing in a few 90 minute yoga classes directly after school, sitting on the porch with my friend and having some beers, a small brunch with new work friends, and getting ready for my week were just what the doctor ordered.

It was brought to my attention that I haven't yet shared much about my school or my job, how my day goes.  Because not much happened this weekend, so there isn't much to share on that front, and i've gotten through a few weeks of school now here it comes…

I'm required to clock in by 7:45 every morning.  In a land where efficiency is lacking and there is an overwhelming sense of "just relax," the irony of a fingerprint sign-in is not lost on me.  I also sign out at the end of my day with my index finger.  I walk across a massive campus and into the madness.  Some kids come in unaccompanied, my first graders are generally accompanied by a mom or dad.  Essentially, i'm forced into conducting 15 mini-one minute parent/teacher conferences every morning and sometimes afternoon.  Parents want to know how their child is doing with talking, reading, math, behaving, the project they brought yesterday.  Some of the parents speak very strong English, others do not.  They are all lovely people and it is nice to see involvement.  Unfortunately, there are several who fall at each end of the spectrum. On the one hand, i've got parents who will complete an entire Family Tree poster for their kid, and on the other hand i've got a parent who has been told repeatedly their kid is falling behind and they just don't seem to care.

At 8:00, the morning assembly begins.  All of the students get themselves to their respective spot on the floor with their class.  The foreign teachers and the Thai teachers rotate responsibility for "running the assembly."  Basically, this means when the foreign teachers are in charge the kids are playing games, singing songs, arm wrestling, competing in chubby bunny competitions, and having fun.  When the Thai teachers are in charge, they are chanting, clapping, and being lectured, military style.  We sing the Thai national anthem, the kids say a Buddhist prayer, and there is also a "tranquil song" with hand gestures.  It is all very different from what I can remember about my school experience.

I teach English (spelling, writing, reading, grammar, reading comprehension, critical thinking skills), Science and Math.  Most days I have the kids for three lessons, four on the busiest days.  They also learn Thai language, applied mathematics, history (Thai), and they swim once a week.  Guess who gets to swim with them?  It was surprisingly fun.

The largest obstacle is that these kids spend half their day with a teacher who yells, demands, gives orders, tells them what to do and think.  The other half of their day is spent with me, the kind of teacher who asks them to think for themselves, develop their own ideas and answers, and participate fully in class discussions/games/projects.  Often I have 18 pairs of eyes looking at me inquisitively, saying nothing at first.  Getting them to speak up can take a minute if i'm asking them about school stuff.  They are never lost for words throughout the day with each other.  I have to remind myself I used to get in trouble for talking or laughing too loud ALL THE TIME.

They are hysterical and i'll be posting pictures and videos soon.

The day ends with homeroom, which is cleaning up the classroom and getting homework together.  Half my class stays for an extra 50 minutes of English and then another 50 minutes of Thai.  Guess how much we get done at the end of the day in extra English?  All in all, they're great kids, minus the one or two I want to punt down the hallway throughout the day, and i'm really enjoying myself even more than i'd hoped.  I'm really happy to be here doing this.

Congratulations, to my friends Jenny and Dan, for tying the knot this weekend.  Missing the celebration wasn't easy, but having their support made it bearable.  I guess the fact that i'm living in Thailand helps too.

Living the Life

What a great weekend in Phuket.  I've gotten all my school stuff organized and ready to go for the week.  I had a quiet lunch with Carey, and i'm sitting here in my comfy apartment enjoying a thunderstorm.   Apart from Friday night's absurdity that is Patong, my time was spent doing things that I really hope will become routine.

Saturday morning I woke up fairly early, shockingly, since I was up so late the night before, and I sat on my porch, soaking up the rays, drinking coffee, and face timing with my best friend back home.  Started chatting with the gal who invited Carey and I out Friday.  We agreed we both wanted to go to the beach.  Carey had received an invite to Karon Beach to watch the Phuket Open Beach Volleyball Tournament.  Several folks from Friday were gathering at Laem Sing Beach to relax.  I opted for relaxing and Carey agreed, so we picked up our new friend en route and headed west.  If you don't know where you're going, it's easy to miss.  The beach isn't visible from the road.

That's because it's below… way below where the road is.  Lots of steps, carefully laid ones, to get to the sand.  The thought of coming back up was enough to keep me by the water alone.

When we got a peek of this view though, I knew tearing myself away was going to be difficult.  

We found familiar faces easily.  The beach is quiet, calm, and uncrowded.  We were greeted quickly by nice young Thai men who set up lounge chairs for us with our group, positioned umbrellas depending on whether someone wanted sun or "shadow," put out our towels, brought tables, offered menus, delivered drinks.. it was awesome.  

We lounged and chatted, laughed, regaled one another with stories from the night before.  Some folks had some beers, others sipped on green coconuts.  Without any word, people casually took turns getting in the water.  It was wonderfully refreshing and surprisingly strong.  I found the little free standing shower on the beach to be far better for cooling down.  The food was reasonably priced and it cost 100 baht per chair for the day.  I guess the umbrellas just came along with the chairs.

I took a few pictures, but I feel like my camera phone just can't capture the beauty of this paradise.

 I'm feeling really content today.  I made it through my first full week of school.  I've got the best family a gal could ask for back home.  I've got one of the best people I know by my side, caring for me when i'm sick, listening to me rant when I feel crazy, and dancing with me til the wee hours of the morning.  I'm making new friends.  Feeling ready for the next week of school.  Even though it's raining outside, there's nothing like the sound of rain and the rumble of thunder to accompany feelings of gratitude and happiness.

The Love Child of Vegas and New Orleans

Without a doubt, at almost 30, I still need my parents' help.  Counting myself as lucky, to have the parents that I do, is about all I can do.  There is no wonder why I turned out the way that I did - pretty good, if I do say so.  All of my good qualities come from them.  I feel fairly confident that Patong will be a destination spot we will miss when they come to visit…although, if you know Ed and Sandy, you know they don't stray far from a good time.  So maybe not.

My first full week - finish!  None of my kids know what the hell i'm saying when I ask them if they are done.  While we're at it, they also don't know what an eraser is (it's a rubber), they ask me to "go to toilet" and my Thai teacher requests that I close the air conditioner before I leave.  Yeah, you bet I have that thing blasting.  I also promise to close it (turn it off) when I leave.

On Wednesday one of my new first grade teacher colleagues asked me if I wanted to go out on Friday. This included meeting at a fellow teacher's house and then heading to Patong.  I love a house party and was excited, yet nervous about meeting new people and getting to know folks I work with, but going to Patong was a whole different story.  I'd heard stories about it, lady boys as far as the eye can see, indescribable sights, and things that would make even the most brazen of women blush.  Carey, of course, agreed to go with me.  We're a buy one get one deal when it comes to social engagements, which is nice.

After school, it was chill time.  Decompress, nap, shower, get sucked into a youtube vortex, stress about finances, whatever, and then about 8:30, it's time to start getting ready.  One of my favorite things about Thailand is that getting ready takes about half an hour because I never feel the need to blow dry my hair and I can literally wear whatever I want because men are only looking at Thai women.. this is even more true in Patong.  Stay with me.  We took a stroll on down to our friendly neighborhood restaurant for some pre drinking food and had fingers crossed for a ride.  I don't know how people do it here, but they've constantly got new cars.  After we finished our freshly made grilled chicken and fried rice, we hopped in a brand new pickup truck and got a lift to our house party from one of the ladies that runs the joint.

The house part of the night was just like every other house party you've been to.. the important part is that right after we arrived, a South African girl dressed as a minion came into the house and asked who all would be going to Patong.  She ordered two tuk tuks and said we had about 40 minutes before departure.  Some folks were dressed up for Halloween.  You see, in almost every other part of the world, this is not a holiday.  The thrill of dressing up is not gone.  Because people love it so much, they get very creative.  No more sexy cop, sexy firefighter, sexy nurse, or sexy podiatrist.  It was refreshing to see people using their minds instead of their tits.  No one cared that Carey and I chose not to dress up.  I embraced the fact that for the first time in my entire life I didn't feel the pressure to dress up.

So we piled about 20 people into two of these for 100 baht a piece - super cheap:

And hit the dusty, hilly trail to Patong.  It started pouring right before we left and continued until we got to the mouth of Bangla Road.  "We're running to the bar!  Follow the person in front of you!"  Boy did we.  Like a line of ants blazing a new trail across my kitchen counter, we hauled ass down a long street lined with bars and restaurants, littered with women selling flowers, men passing out flyers selling sex, and white people from every corner of the world dancing with reckless abandon in the rain.  We took a turn at a spot that I would have never found had I not been following the "lady boy pimp" from my tuk tuk.  We entered what looked like a hollowed out tin warehouse with a line of bars straight down the middle and mouths of "bars" along both sides.  We went straight to the back, to the last bar.  I felt like I was in college again.. people ordering trays of shots and bears by the fist full.  Didn't have to pay for anything.  Clutch.  Need to go to the bathroom?  Just walk into one of the bars, pass the dancing naked "women" on stage, through the creepy old men, and wait until the stripper in the stall and the Italian dude at the urinal get done peeing so you can go.  The urinal is directly across from the sink, outside of the stalls.  Awkward.  Now, I can't count the number of times i've been in American strip clubs on one hand.  I always felt a pang of sadness for those girls.  Daddy issues and drug problems hang in the air like a bad fart.  Multiply that times 1,000 and you have a Thai strip club.  These girls literally can't do anything else and make the kind of money they do.  They're more than likely sending money back to their family in some secluded mountain town with toilets that are holes in the ground.  

From there we hit another bar where a Thai music group sang popular American tunes.  They took turns sitting in the chair center stage and singing.  We left when a fight broke out.  One of the minions took an elbow to the face and started crying.  Check please.  We bobbed and weaved to what I would call a discotec.  A huge open bar up the red carpeted stairs with loud thumping music and strobe lights. I'm not much of a dancer, but Carey and I both danced our faces off and had a beer.  People talk about being in Patong bars until 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning.  My hetero life partner and I both agreed that we're too old for that kind of nonsense before we even got out of the tuk tuk.  After a rousing hour of breaking it down, we decided it was time to go.  Because we only work with the people we were out with and no one really cared whether or not we were accounted for, we got to leave without the usual requisite goodbyes and we peaced.  

We grabbed a small tuk tuk and made our way across the island to the feet of Big Buddha, with views of the love child of Vegas and New Orleans in the rearview.  We held our usual porch debrief and headed to our respective beds.  I took a minute to FaceTime Jenny and Dan.  They walked me through Binny's and we caught up, which is always a good time.  Their wedding is a week away and I wish I could be there, but i'm doing what my dad told me to do - and I always listen to my dad (right, pop?) - i'm living in the moment and focusing on the here and now.  Ed would have made a good monk.  

Going to hit a beach today, mark some more Phuket stuff off the to do list.  It's a beautiful day in Thailand.  I'll take lots of pictures.