Anyway, Malaysia

I am someone who thrives with more things happening in my life.  When my schedule has a lot of down time, I have a tendency to spend a lot of that time... down.  As in doing nothing.  My school's "holiday" a week after starting my teaching gig, felt more like an inconvenience than anything.  I know, i'm not normal.  I did some exploring, got some more defensive driving skills under my belt, had the best pedicure of my life, and completed some domestic tasks and lesson plans.  I did not write my blog post.

Here I am, awake at 7:00 am on a Sunday to watch the Clemson Tigers play.  I stayed up until 3:00 am to watch my Gamecocks lose to the Vols by a field goal - what a blow.  Sandy was nice enough not to call and sing Rocky Top.  This year.  I feel for and worry about quarterbacks after games like this one between Clemson and FSU, especially when I like the quarterback.  Fans like to place blame and abandon the very people they've held at such high regard when things go don't go the way they'd hoped.  Here in the land where people live and breath college football, I fear this will be a character building and skin toughening experience for Tajh.  Chin up, buddy - don't listen to the nonsense.

Anyway, Malaysia.

Yep, I went there.  When you arrive in Thailand, you get a stamp in your passport.  This allots you 30 days in the Land of Smiles.  Before it expires, if you want to stay, you have to leave the country for 24 hours.  Upon return, and i'm not sure how this happens because it was taken care of for me, you can receive a 60 day tourist visa.  There are several companies in the Phuket area, that i'm aware of, who will pick you up, drive you there (Panang, Malaysia), put you up in a hotel, take care of the legalities, and drive you back.  Grab your barf bag, kick your feet up and join me on this terrifying, unexpected, yet fun, journey.

Pick up: Sunday, 9:00 pm at the Family Mart at the end of my street.
Must bring: passport, departure card (obtained when you land in a country and go through immigration at the airport), two passport sized pictures, and 4700 baht (roughly $151 USD).
Suggestions for packing: 1 change of clothes, pillow, some form of entertainment, any pill that helps you sleep/relax/not care that you're careening down the street at 75 mph, weaving in and out of traffic coming in both directions), and a friend who can be equally comforting and terrified in shifts, that you can lean on for "sleep time," travel tissues and hand sanitizer.

Imagine getting on a van where you're awkwardly close to eight strangers, some who don't speak English, like the lovely Ukranian woman on my right, which means you have zero communication with them.  Get comfortable, because you're about to spend the next 10 hours together.  The only person who directly addressed Carey and myself was an Australian who has been traveling around the world for the last year, not working, and has decided to stay in Phuket for a month to "train in muay thai" before he goes home for a little bit.  Eye roll.  He thinks he's going to invest in a bar here in Phuket after he gets done visiting home - not sure with what money since he hasn't been working and won't be while he's home (eye roll #2) - because so many guys who he has talked to say "they love it because it's so much fun" (eye roll #3).  He's never worked in a bar, "but i've spent a lot of time in a lot of bars."  Right.. that's kind of the same.  Not even a little bit.  Eye roll #4.   The rest of our clan included three young, chatty Italians, who brought nothing but the clothes they were wearing and cigarettes.  A young undetermined Asian couple, who only rode with us part of the way because they transferred to another bus so they could sit together.  Originally the guy was stuck in the front passenger seat, or as I like to call it, my personal hell.  There was another guy who never spoke to anyone and if he ever said anything out loud, I didn't hear it, so I can't even venture a guess.

Seven hours pass from the time Carey and I get into the van when we are jarred awake and told, through grunts and points, to enter what appears to be cattle gates leading up to a small ticket booth.  This was how I envisioned a Thai prison check in to be.  The entire process took close to two hours, we got back on our bus and drove the last two hours to our hotel in Panang.  The bus made more stops than seemed necessary.  By the time Carey and I would find a comfortable weird semi-spooning in a seated position maneuver, we would have to get out of the bus.  We snagged the front row of seats, so we always had to get out of the way for the others, but that was a small price to pay for the fact that we could kick our legs up on a little bench.  Being short pays off again.

Bathroom accommodations along the way are terrifying.  From beginning to end, there is nothing redeeming about this part of the experience.  There is no easy way around this.  I have never walked into a bathroom and thought to myself, "i'd rather get back on the bus and try and make it the next unknown number of hours than pee here."  From the creepy blinking florescent lighting often seen in horror movies, to the bugs and lizards trolling around, to the floor level toilets.  I've peed in nicer, cleaner, fresher port-a-potties.  In fact, i'll never complain about a port-a-potty again.  Basically, you peed into a porcelain hole in the floor.  Manual flushing involved dipping a pot/pan/tupperware container into the tub of water next to the hole in the floor and poured the water it into said hole in the floor yourself.  There was rarely toilet paper (hence the tissues you pack) and occasionally places lacked sinks for washing your hands when you are done (thank you, Bath & Body works - but mostly, thank you, Mom).  On the way home, after about our fourth stop I turned to Carey and explained that I "hadn't pulled the ol' squat and lean in awhile, probably not since college."  Her puzzled look told me that I was doing something wrong.  She didn't understand so she asked for clarification, "what is it that you are doing?"  I told her I was squarely planting my feet with the hole behind me, sticking my butt out and basically doing a wall sit or a perfect form squat, "I've gotten really good at it again, I don't even touch the wall anymore."  When she commended me for my creativity and offered a suggestion, of course I thanked her and listened.  That day I learned you literally put your feet on either side of the hole (there are little blocks with tread) and you just squat down, much like a catcher does in baseball, or in my case like I did behind home plate during softball game all those years.  Lesson learned.  Next time.

Malaysia is an Islamic state, the first i've visited.  After we arrived, Carey and I both wanted to lay down for a bit and it was raining, so walking around wasn't super appealing.  After little sleep during our nighttime bus ride, we both ended up napping.  Our wake up call was the 4:50 prayer that can be heard throughout the city because it is played through speakers for all to hear.  It was unexpected, to say the least, and a little discombobulating.  There was no going back to sleep after that, so we wandered.  We found multiple 7/11s, true to this part of the world, and got some cash.  We cruised some shops and both landed ourselves a pair of genie pants.  I'd been diligently searching.  It had been about nine hours since we last ate, so we stopped into Kashmir Restaurant and posted up on the front patio overlooking a central part of town.  We ordered a couple buy one get one big Carlsberg beers, an order of samosa, onion naan and chicken curry.  The best Indian food i've ever tasted.  Because of our location, we were able to assess that traffic seems to be a little bit more structured, a lot more people speak English so signs made more sense, and there is a wide variety of culture roaming the streets of Panang.  In fact, after we got done eating and we were finishing up our beers, I looked up in time to see the t-shirt a man was wearing before he passed us: ROLL TIDE.  Holy. shit.  So I made eye contact with him and said, "SEC?"  There was no denying the look of confusion that darted across his face, so I pointed to his shirt and said, "Roll tide?"  It was the one and only time i'll ever say it without a condescending hick accent.  It clicked for him.  "Yes," he said, "we're from Germany!"  He pointed to his two very small children and his wife behind him, "We went to the college football championship last year against Alabama and Louisiana."  Well, hot damn!  I told him that was cool and proudly declared, "I'm a South Carolina Gamecock."  Confused look again, "Have a nice day!"

The journey back was just like the one down, only in daylight, which meant seeing all of the cars we were playing chicken with was all the more easy.  Here is where the ipads with movies came in handy. Any visual distraction will do.  All in all, our hotel was lovely, apart from the breakfast we had the morning we left, the food was good, and we got our visas squared away.  Coming back across the border was far easier and quicker than the first time.  Carey and I have added Malaysia to our list of places we've been in briefly and would like to go to again with more time, right after Hong Kong.  Although neither of us would like to go on another visa run, chances are we'll have to because, much like in America, government offices are understaffed, overworked, and underpaid, which means paperwork takes forever.  Our school can now apply for our work permits, which will then qualify us for 14 month work visas.  For now, Thailand still views us as tourists.

Next time, we'll be more mentally prepared and i'll know how to use the ground toilets properly.  Growing every chance I get.