BIG Buddha

Today I took my first solo adventure.  Carey got called by a school to sub.  It sounds like she did a tremendous job, naturally.  Since the street we live on is the one leading up to the Big Buddha, I figured it made the most sense to see it up close and personal.  I've been admiring him from afar since we moved in on Saturday.

Because I didn't know how far away he actually was, I googled it.  What did we do before google??  Four miles to the Big Buddha, no problem.  I put on my running shoes, grabbed my phone, my keys, some cash, and my nalgene.  I left at noon.  The day was grey and overcast, it has been raining the last two days, so I figured at some point i'd get caught in a shower but i'll take my chances.  I decided I would not look at the time as I made my trip, when I get there, I get there, I told myself.  The Thai people strongly identify with their religion, Theravada Buddhism (the oldest surviving branch of Buddhism) is most popular here in the southern end of the country.  From what I understand, Buddhism is more than a religion, it is a philosophy, "love of wisdom."  This path includes leading a moral life, developing wisdom and understanding, and being mindful and aware of thoughts and actions.  The last one is what I was focused on today.

Off I went, not knowing what to expect or if it would really take me an hour to get there, if I even found it.  Planning doesn't seem to be a big part of the culture here, so I tried to maintain the belief that whatever happens, happens.

The first leg of the trip was leisurely.  There was so much nearby that Carey and I had not yet seen because our world for the last two days has been from our apartment building out to the main road and all that it has to offer.  In the opposite direction, away from the main road lie more restaurants, bars, a hair salon, laundry spaces (they're outdoors), scooter rentals and homes.  One beautiful home in particular..

It wasn't long before my leisurely stroll intensified.  When I say the thing went straight up, what I mean is, around bends and curves on the way up the hill, I might as well have been on all fours.  As the hill steepened, I came upon ATV rental places, a paintball course, an exotic bird show, and more restaurants and bars.  Signs pointed me in the direction of the Big Buddha, so I knew I was still going in the direction I needed to be going.  I kept plodding along.  I stopped to take a breather and have some water - thank all things holy for my nalgene.

This view gave me some hope.  All of this will be worthwhile, you just have to keep going.  I wonder how long i've been going?  Doesn't matter, no peeking at the clock, just live in the moment.  Moments of misery, I tell you.  Even in my fittest of days this would have been brutal.  As I climbed higher, I passed lots of places advertising pictures with animals.  A monkey in chains watched me closely over the back of his seat as I huffed and puffed along.  Several elephant trekking places had baby elephants chained up outside.  I didn't dare go near to take pictures because taking any picture at all felt wrong.   Its not every day you see a baby elephant.  Tourists stop and feed these beautiful creatures while they wait for their turn to trek.  From what i've read, and i'm sure many of you know about Rihanna's run in with the loris, these animals are treated very poorly.  You probably can't see the chain attached to this guy's leg but I can tell you it is heart wrenching to witness.

At one point after the second elephant hub, I began going downhill a bit and I began to think, this is it.  Leave it to me to get turned around on one road going up a hill and miss the whole dang thing.  Then I came upon this view.

I knew the way home, I still had water, and it hadn't yet rained on me.  Regardless of whether I make it to the Big Buddha today or not, i've seen things i've never before had the chance to see.  I've got some fuel left in me, so i'm just going to keep going and see what I see.  This optimism didn't last too long when I began to fight the ever creeping feeling that I wasn't going to be seeing the Big Buddha today.  Not only that, I was failing on my personal goal to just live in the moment and let things happen as they may.  As I began to really give up hope, I looked up at the sky and saw this.

Happy day!!!!  I'd like to say I was overwhelmed by excitement and I tackled the rest of that uphill battle like Rocky took to those steps in Philadelphia.  Quite the contrary.  I stopped for a rest and some  more water before I got to my destination.  When I saw this archway, the excitement began to build.  

I caught my breath.  A lump began to form in my throat.  When I was ready to really take it all in I continued.  Through the archway and to the left I found the entrance for this beautiful monument.  A station at the entrance is set up with sarongs for women who may not be dressed appropriately to visit a holy place.  Amateurs. 

There really aren't words...

Below Buddha there is a place for worship.  A monk sits awaiting visitors.  I observed this for a long time before participating because I wanted to make sure I was culturally aware and respectful.  The entire space is run on donations alone so the monk is collecting donations in exchange for what I would assume is a blessing.  He also ties on a bracelet as he bestows his blessing upon you.  It felt wrong taking a picture of this holy practice, but I couldn't help myself.  

Once you walk through this museum of sorts, you climb stairs closer to Buddha.  The stairway is lined by tiny golden bells making one of the most beautiful sounds i've ever heard.  There were some pieces being worked on down below the Buddha.  Buddha sits at 45 meters high and is made of squares of white Burmese marble.  Not being an artist myself, the best I can tell is, pieces are created out of clay or cement like on the left and then they are covered with the pieces of marble.  These pieces seemingly will go on Buddha's head.  

There is a lot of construction going on around the statue.  Having been blessed with parents whose idea of a vacation included seeing all of America's most important monuments, I can tell you i've seen my fair share of construction going on around them.  The glaring difference here is that there are no machines, which means that the noise is minimal and it doesn't take away from the experience.  Taking in the 360 degree view is indescribable.  

A fun surprise sits behind the big, white Buddha.  Sitting at 12 meters high, this 22 ton brass Buddha costs 8 million baht.  

Smaller images surround the base.

Gangpati or Ganesh - In Buddhism, the elephant is a symbol of mental strength and is also believed to be a guardian of the temples and of Buddha himself.

 Monday Buddha - Parng Harmyart

This posture represents "Preventing Calamities", which is also known as "Pacifying the Relatives."

The Buddha stops the relatives from fighting or pacifying his relatives. When the Buddha came back from Heaven, he found that his relatives were quarreling about the right to use water from a river for their rice fields. The Buddha encouraged them to compromise and said that human life is much more valuable than water and it was not worth killing men for water. Then, his relatives stopped fighting.

I found a little space tucked up and away from the base of Big Buddha and all of the people there to see him.  Make sure you listen to the sounds.  I sat here for a long time.  The beauty of it brought me to tears.

(This is the first video i've uploaded, I hope it works.)

Exhausting and wonderfully rewarding, I felt almost rejuvenated when I left.  I thought I would take a tuk tuk back down the hill when I was struggling to get up the thing, but I made it that far on my own, so I was going to make it home on my own.. but not before stopping for a beer, 

or taking a picture of a gamecock, 

or appreciating the view on the way down too.

A teaching of Buddhism is that wisdom should be developed with compassion.  True wisdom is not simply believing what we are told but instead experiencing and understanding truth and reality.  I'm trying.  All my love, from Thailand.

Heading Into Week 2

In a week's time Carey and I have been able to haggle our way into very affordable transportation.  Motorbikes are everywhere and people drive them, the way they do their cars, with absolute abandon.  I'm not sure if i'll ever get used to seeing a young woman with a baby strapped to her chest driving a motorbike or scooter.  Carey and I opted for a car.  We figured if we got into an accident at least we'd be surrounded by car.. because we're IN it.  We've driven all over the island.  The original intent of the car was to get around for job hunting but we're thinking this is the way to go for now.  Because you never know when it will start to rain, this has proven to be the right choice.  While exploring we confirmed that the place we wanted to live is located on the eastern side of the island.  We're far enough away from water that we aren't worried about tsunamis but we're centrally located so we can easily get to the beach, up north, to the grocery store (we've found the usual Thai suspects - Tesco Lotus and The Big C, as well as what we're calling 'The White People Store"), several bars and restaurants that we've yet to try.  I am particularly intrigued by The Family Restaurant, a Mediterranean spot next door to our Thai grocery store.  Out our front doors, we have a direct view of Big Buddha.  We actually live on the road that leads to his resting spot up on the hill.  Carey met a man in a cafe who told her Big Buddha was the place he drove when the tsunami hit in 2007.  Perfect, we're almost there already.  It is really lovely and calming to see him first thing in the morning and at the end of the day.  We've secured two large, clean, simple, modern studios right next to each other.  Our back porches are practically connected and look over the rooftops of other homes, as well as the garden pool that we have access to (in addition to the pool on the roof).  We're situated on the second floor, away from the street, so it's mostly quiet.

On Tuesday I went in to a nursery/kindergarten (Buds International) for an interview and was asked to "audition" for a teaching position that will be opening October 18th.  I spent Wednesday through Friday with some pretty awesome kids.  Most of my day is spent teaching english, math, and science to pre kindergarten kids, "All living things can eat, move, breathe, grow, and have babies."  My mornings start in the nursery with the wee little ones playing games, trying to make sense of their gibberish.  If you thought trying to understand a two year old American kid was challenging, try understanding a Thai/Russian child or a Korean child.  Most of these kiddos are in the early stages of becoming bilingual or trilingual.  Pretty amazing.  Half that time I don't know which language they're using.  My first day at school one of the little girls in my class told me I have big boobs.  Breaking news.  I wanted to thank her, it seemed like the right thing to do until I remembered I was in a school.  I fed her some BS about being a lady.  On Friday it hit me that they have no idea what i'm talking about.  We're not in the southern states of America, after all.  This realization came when one of my students asked me, "Why do you say ma'am all the time?"  She stumbled over the word ma'am.  Oh, that's right, she has no idea what that means.  I tried explaining that where I come from saying "yes ma'am and no ma'am is like saying please and thank you - it is polite and shows that we have manners."  I referenced our lesson on manners from Thursday.  Blank stare.  I'll just keep saying it.  I figure i'll have them using ma'am, sir, and y'all in no time.  The kids are great and the small staff of expats that i'd be working with seem pretty down to earth.  Our backgrounds are quite different, however.  Some have traveled all over the world for years and others are married and are previous Huntington Beach, CA homeowners.  After I replied that i'd landed in Thailand the previous Friday they were all shocked, "I lived here for five months before I looked for a job."  Must be nice, I thought.

Unfortunately, the "benefits" that would make a teaching position much more appealing here, are not really offered at this school because it is so small.  I would be legally working and it will be fine if this is where I am for the first semester, but there are other larger schools that just have so many more resources and so much more to offer.  A young guy we met at the first school we visited explained that some schools want you to clock in and clock out, work full weeks, give quizzes, grade homework, participate in extracurriculars.  Horrors!  A real job?!  Others seem confused that Carey and I are here to work and live and then find time for fun.  Traveling and seeing other parts of the world will be something we can do once we have each built a foundation.  From others' perspectives, this is backwards.  I guess neither of us has ever really done things the way 'everyone' else has.

Warning, too much information is headed your way, so feel free to skip over this little section.  In all of the bathrooms, located next to the toilet, is a sprayer much like what i've always seen attached to the kitchen sink.  It is attached to the wall and has a hose that connects it to the wall.  Plumbing isn't great here, so after you poop, you're supposed to spray your butt.  If you stop and think about it for a minute, it makes sense.  If you had poop on anywhere else on your body you would wash it off.. I'll admit, it took me some time to even get used to the idea of doing this, let alone actually doing it.  All in all, though, its quite nice.

I'm also quickly becoming a fan of shoe removal.  As a kid, I remember going to some homes where moms made us take our shoes off before coming in and I thought it was so strange.  Here you take your shoes off to enter a number of places.  Schools (I taught barefoot last week), shops, car rental places, salons, the list goes on.  I bought my first pair of house slippers and I love them.  While cruising the Thai grocery store we spotted a woman manhandling the meat.  I say manhandling intentionally because the meat is literally in bins, out in the open, free for hands to touch and select upon will.  This is not something I will ever get used to.  There are meats that I cannot identify and will never get close enough to try.  As Carey and I neared this woman who was holding onto a huge hunk of something, we noticed she was without shoes.  So much was wrong with this picture that it was difficult to take in. We made it as far as the next aisle over before we started talking about it:

Me: Oh my god, the meat, I can't.  Did you see that woman manhandling that huge hunk of dead animal?
Carey: UHHH YES!  Did you see that she wasn't wearing shoes?!

Our new favorite eating spot is a little hut with a few small tables, a small kitchen area to the left fully exposed to the tables and a little tiny bar with several bar stools to the right.  As Carey pointed out, they have jager, so its legit.  It is run by three women.  I am really hoping to build enough of a relationship so they'll teach me the ways of Thai cooking.  Today when I went by I just asked what I should eat and they fixed something for me, a soup with chicken and veggies, ginger, coconut milk and a side of rice.  Amazing.  When I left the apartment to find food I immediately gained a friend.  A cute medium sized dog with a collar.  He followed me to the ladies' spot, waited at my feet (dogs wander around and in and out of tables in restaurants) and then walked me home.  The ladies thought it was mine, I quickly explained he was not but secretly I imagined starting my own version of The Dog Whisperer: Thailand.

While waiting to see if another position opens at a school with more benefits, I have two weeks to further explore options and follow up with people.  The worst case scenario is I hang out in Thailand for two weeks eating awesome street food, laying by the pool or on the beach with one of the greatest friends i've got until school starts for me.  Without an unending supply of money, I won't be able to do whatever I want, but since i've never lived in the lap of luxury like that, i'm pretty sure i'll be ok.  After all, if this isn't luxury, I feel pretty sure I don't know what is.

Oh, It's Kind of Like Home...On Acid

We have now visited a variety of large stores here in Phuket that are comparable to America's Walmart and we also found the Thai version of a mall.  At first glance, there is very little that stands out.  It doesn't take long though for your mind to catch up and then it goes on a magical ride.  Though i've never dabbled in acid myself, I can't help but wonder if a day in one of these stores isn't comparable to the drug induced high one experiences whilst tripping.   

We hit The Big C first thing Saturday morning.  No, we do not know what the C stands for because the store is only called "The Big C."  They are everywhere.  They have everything.  This is our mecca.  We started here in our search for help with our phones.  After unsuccessfully managing the international sim card change, we were desperate to find someone with knowledge and a little bit of a handle on the English language.  What we found first was a very young girl who tried her hardest to help and then directed us to the mall.  Before we left, we picked up a few things though.  It was in this moment that both of us realized all of the money, time, and space we used on medicines, toiletries, and any other bathroom/personal necessities was a WASTE.  You name it, they got it.  Make sure you don't pick up face wash or face lotion with whitening agents.  Here in Thailand, we have discovered, lightening the skin is popular.  I think we've got that covered...

On to the mall, Central Festival, affectionately renamed by Carey and myself as "The Fest."  The usual suspects can be found here: packs of tweens giggling/flirting/gossiping abound, families with small children darting away from parents or throwing tantrums, and those people handing out samples and brochures at every turn.  The large intersection outside of The Fest, obviously, is The Fest Intersection.  

We have given special names to several major roads and intersections because we can't read 90% of the street signs and much of the time there are no street signs at all.  We find things via landmarks, much like the south, "Just head down that road that runs by the K-Mart, take the fourth turn at the abandoned mobile home, and its down there on your left just next to the cow field.  The house has a red door and there's no more mailbox.  If you get to the river, you done gone too far.  Turn around."  In the mall we found a section for mobile phones much like the jewelry and watch section in a department store, only every kind of phone cover, accessory, and gadget you can think to need.  We spent a lot of time waiting.  Just waiting for someone to show up who might be able to help us.  After waiting for close to 30 minutes we were asked to return in 20 minutes.  This required lots of pointing at numbers on watches.  Time to kill meant time to eat.

Carey read at some point that the mall had an awesome food court.  Any kind of Asian cuisine you can think of could be found here amongst all of the other foods we had never seen.  We picked out some traditional Thai noodle dishes and chased them with fresh fruit smoothies.  It was all delicious and we will definitely take advantage of this food court in the future.  Now that we know you pay up front on a card and get your napkins at their 'front desk,' we almost feel like pros.  Once we find some Thai friends, we'll be set.  Go ahead and google fish balls.

We returned to the phone counter and found a young Thai man with his giant Apple computer and three laptops.  It wasn't long before he explained we would need to leave our phones with him so he could get everything set up for us.  They are all your's, sir.  We were off to drive around the island and figure out where we really wanted to try and find jobs and live.  "Maybe your phone will be ready in one our, maybe one day.  I will call you?"  Umm, email would be better, we don't have phones.  Right.

Phuket is wonderfully diverse.  The coast is unbelievably beautiful.  The water, colors of blue that i've never seen in my life, stretching so far that it seems to just go on forever.  Lush green islands pop up in a variety of sizes and you can't help but wonder what is hidden amongst the trees, within those tiny lands, beyond the reach of your eye.  Along the west coast there is no shortage of resort spas.  The signs at the end of their driveways are all that you can see for most of them and then there are others perched on hills and built into the land that you spot from below far before you come upon them.  Once we find jobs, we are planning to spend a day or weekend at one of these fancy spots.  It must be sacrilegious not to partake.  There is an equal amount of poverty that can be found if you take any time to leave the comforts of the west coast.  Sheds and shanties house plastic chairs with three legs, laundry hangs from pole to tree, and because there are no beds, it can only be assumed that these residents sleep on their ground.  Huge mounds of debris exist at the bottom of the west coast hills.  We assume this is what was left behind by the last tsunami.  The shanties are what must have been rebuilt by the native people afterward.  How lucky we are to have come from safe, comfortable homes, to have received educations, to be in chosen professions, to have the ability to up and move to another country.  It was a day of perspective.  

In the end we confirmed that the southeastern end of the island is the best for us.  We got our phones set up and were able to pick them up that day.  We learned our way around and saw more of our new home.  I believe I speak for us both when I say that ultimately, things feel a little more familiar and a little less overwhelming.  We capped our day off with an awesome dinner and a few cold beers at a tiny outdoor restaurant at the top of our street.  The people working there were lovely, there were several groups of locals sharing dishes, laughing and taking their time enjoying one another's company and we had some four legged visitors throughout our meal.  It didn't even rain once.  Life is good.

I've a Feeling We're Not in Kansas Anymore, Toto

All in all, the trip was great.  Cathay Pacific is the way to go if you're traveling to Asia.  During my check-in, the attendant shared with me that the flight was extremely light for the trip and if my friend and I wanted to move seats, we could share a three seat row between the two of us.  She said to change it at the terminal.  When we got to the terminal, a woman asked if we could wait until some more people had been checked in as well.  We were later waved up to the counter and each given our own row.  That's right, we flew our 15 hour flight with our own row to stretch out in and watch movies and sleep.  Once we landed in Hong Kong, we took off to find a hotel to stay in and were eventually pointed in the direction of the Marriott.  If you're ever in Hong Kong, this is a great place to stay.  It is beautiful and affordable and so easy to get to from the airport.  They have shuttle buses to take you wherever you want to go.  I wish we could have spent more time in Hong Kong - Carey and I are looking forward to making a trip there.

The flight to Phuket was also easy.  We made friends with our neighbor, Jack, who is in nuclear medicine.  He invited us to use his pool pass to sit by the Patong Beach, "You don't even have to talk to any of us.  We'll get you set up with a couple of pina coladas before we have to go in to work and you can stay all day if you want."  Awesome.  We'll see where Saturday takes us.

Trying to figure out how to best describe this world i'm going to be living in is extremely difficult.  It is like nothing i've ever experienced so I don't have much to compare it to, but i'll try.  

Only a short drive from the airport to our guest house gave us a really great first glance at the island.  I had to stifle giggles when the driver started off and kicked on the tunes: Thank God I'm a Country Boy, Take Me Home, Country Roads, and so on.  Speedbumps exist here, along with car dealerships, 7/11s and Autoboy shops, and that's about all we have in common with this place.  

Ramshackle houses are used for anything and everything.  Open restaurants and markets where people gather to eat, buy fruit and veggies, chat and swing their babies in rigged up hammocks.  Building faces are covered in scaffolding made of bamboo.  Stray dogs wander the streets, sit on porches, and laze around.  Cows roam freely in fields with no fences or restraints.  Of course there are chickens and cats in front yards.  The tallest palm trees i've ever seen, groves of them so thick you can't see what lies beyond.  I saw all of this because I couldn't look away and I couldn't look forward either without tensing up and pushing my brake foot on the floor like my mom.

The traffic is insane, Manhattan+Chicago+Los Angeles insane.  I guess.  Chicago cabdrivers ain't got nothing on these folks in Thailand.  People basically make up their own traffic laws and it seems like the best thing you can do is just stay out of everyone's way and be somewhat aggressive because there is no "by all means, after you" mentality in any scenario including but not limited to, the airport, lines at cafes, the sidewalk, the bus.  So you better go when the going is good or you. are. screwed.  

People are so lovely here, even though the common courtesy mentioned above is lacking.  Let's be honest, wherever you go in the world (I believe), there are lovely people and then there are shitty people.  At this point in the game, we've mostly encountered the better side.  We know how to say thank you and bow properly and this seems to go over well.  

You better be willing to bargain.  Taxi drivers will offer advice on how to get to places in a way that feels like they're just trying to be helpful and in the same breath they tell you how much they would charge to take you there.  We took a bus into the middle of town.  A man told us when we got off the bus where to get back on one when we were ready to go home.  He pulled out a map and showed us where we were and then where we wanted to be in the meantime, "I'll take you there for 40 baht each."  What?!  This is not an outrageous amount of money, it's just that thinking you're being assisted voluntarily only to find out its a game is a bummer.  That's just how it is here, whether it's a ride or a car rental, people want to make some money and they will put you through the ringer if that's what it takes.

After sitting down in a cafe for some lunch, it began to rain.  Monsoon rains.  I mean, i've seen rain like this before, but I think this is what it's like every time it rains here.  It lasted a mere 20 minutes, but it was heavy and it came down.  We just hung out a little bit longer than usual.  Apparently there is a big storm coming through this weekend.  That will be interesting, particularly since Carey and I are hoping to use the next two days to explore the island and figure out where we want to focus our energy come Monday.

Although I oftentimes have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time and I feel a little helpless and a lot overwhelmed, I still believe this was the right move for me to make.  I can't imagine having done this straight out of college.  There is so much to consider and do, and being so far away from home and familial support would have just been too much for me, I think.

Timing is everything.  I made it because it now because it was right for me.  I'm so excited to see where all of this leads.  It has been an adventure from the minute I woke up Wednesday morning and I hope it continues to be.  I'm sure homesickness will set in at some point and there will be days that i'm so frustrated that the temptation to book a ticket for home will be difficult to ignore, but I just have to remember - wherever you go, go with all your heart.

It just started raining again.

Even as an Adult...

My dad kicks my ass in Monopoly.  And every one else's.  My goodnight kiss included a, "sorry I beat you bad."  Can you feel the love?

Brother decided it was time for some family bonding in the form of board games tonight.  This coming from a guy who never agreed to play board games or card games or any games that didn't include a ball.  Ever.  Ok, that's not exactly true.  He did play games until about the age of 12 when he caught on to the fact that we had a dad who never just let us win.  Nope, you had to earn it.

So, here we are, 16 years later and brother reasons that because we're adults now, no way one of us won't win, "We're smarter now, Laurie."

Wrong.

That's right.  The money was divided, pieces chosen, dice rolled to determine who would go first - and before you know it, dad's got $5,000, mom has $6, brother has had to sell his 1 hotel and mortgage his 5 properties, and i'm bankrupting on dad's 3 hotel property which rents for $950 every time you land on the damn thing.  It was my second time.  Oh, and i'm the one who agreed to sell him the final property he needed to make said monopoly.  I had Boardwalk AND Parkplace, I thought for sure I had it in the bag.

Wrong.

Here's the best part.  We all like to win.  In the beginning brother was talking a lot of shit.  I was driving hard bargains.  And mom was doing what she does best, getting tickled (that's southern for laughing).  When mom gets tickled, I get tickled.  We'd spent the day together shopping for more stuff for my move and this (getting tickled) had already happened a few times.

Side story:  One time we got so tickled (i'm already laughing - mom, I know you are too) in an Arby's drive-thru.  Present for this - mom, brother and me.  We all wanted fried chicken sandwiches.  Mom got irritated with the poor guy taking our order.  Something had to have been going on because I don't remember any other time we picked up Arby's for dinner growing up.  When I say something had to have been going on, I mean mom must have been irritated about something before we even got there.  She ended up hollering at the guy when he asked for clarification on fried or grilled chicken on the sandwiches, "THE CHICK-FIL-A KIND!"  I can't tell you why we thought this was so funny, but we did.  Mom and I did.  We got so tickled we couldn't finish the order, brother had to come up from the back of the van to do it.  Mom couldn't pull around because she was tearing up, which further irritated brother.  She probably tinkled herself.  I know I did.  Brother regularly either gets irritated during these episodes or joins along.  That's the best and it happened tonight - the three of us laughing so hard there's little noise, faces turn red, and tears flow.

Anyway, I digress.  The giggle phase happened when the absurdity of the game unraveling began.  Once we got through that it was all downhill.  Brother started throwing money and property, mom didn't know what to do, and I had dropped the F-bomb about 19 times.  He. always. wins.  Brother decided sticking around to watch it all fall apart wasn't worth his time, so he left after closing up shop.  Mom and I folded shortly after.

As I was saying, in my family, we all like to win, but we all know how to lose with, dare I say, grace.  When you know how to handle losing, you appreciate the victories that much more.  I grew up getting a trophy for every little league team I played on and this idea of "everyone is a winner" seems to have gotten way out of hand lately.  There is always a winner and there is always a winner.  Sorry kids, the sooner you accept it, the better.  I've been through some pretty painful losses - losses against my high school rival because my team couldn't put penalty shots in the goal, losing a regional softball tournament because one of my teammates decided she just didn't feel like showing up, runner up at the state championship while the other team's fans heckled us like we were in the NFL.  I hated every gruesome minute of those losses.  Thinking back on them sends a twinge of pain through me.  But i've also been a part of great victories - an underdog win at a soccer tournament (we won every game and then climbed the highest, steepest hill i've ever laid eyes on to celebrate), a grand slam in little league coach's pitch (I was the only girl on the team and my brother had given me a black eye during warm up - he has a mean curve), i've got gold medals and a championship ring, I even scored a winning goal to send my team to the very championship we'd lost the year before (we won this time and then headed to our senior prom).

So you see, thanks to dad kicking my ass in Monopoly at 12, and again at 28, i'm a better, more well rounded person.  Now I just need to figure out what board game I stand a chance at winning next time we play.  I'm sick of losing.

Intern for a Day

The men in my life, twin brother and dad.

Today I got to watch my dad and brother in action.  My brother is following in my dad's footsteps, forging a path in the world of (Clemson University, for now) sports news.  Dad is a veteran, been around for years.  He's a household name.  Listening to dad talk about how much brother knows, how talented and knowledgable he is, makes me proud.  Coming from dad, this is quite a compliment.  If ever there were an opportunity to call someone during a talk show regarding sports trivia, i'd call dad.. or at least I would have before I found out brother is a better bet, "he knows way more stats, players, history than I do."  They seem to have struck up a good balance.  They provide one another with support, there seems to be a professional give and take and a sense of enjoyment that hangs in the air when they are talking shop.  Dad doesn't hover and brother doesn't ride the coat tails.  Everyone knows who they are and there is an obvious level of respect for the both of them that just makes my heart swell with pride.  I was invited along for the ride this week, and of course I couldn't say no.

Dad, far left.  Brother, far right.  We're of small stature, ok?

Now, we'll have to ignore that my day was spent at my in-state school rival.  It was a sacrifice that had to be made, and I sucked it up.  I walked through the fancy parts of the stadium.  Helped with the filming of an online news segment.  I got the nickel tour, as my dad called it, of the sports facilities.  I met head coach, Dabo Swinney and Heisman front runner, Tajh Boyd, among others, following their press conferences.  Eat your heart out, Clemson fans.  No surprise, they are all nice guys.  Dad did most of the introducing, "This is my daughter Laurie, Hale's twin sister."  My favorite reaction came from Tajh, "Hale's sister?  Man.  That's my guy, Hale's my dude."  Mine too.  It's no surprise my guy isn't wild about this whole Thailand thing. 

Cast of Characters, Dad holding the microphone. Camerawork by yours truly.

In fact, when I first told my parents I was looking at teaching abroad and that I was hoping to leave in August or September, dad made sure to point out that I wouldn't be able to come home for Christmas.  What a strange detail to focus on, I thought.  I understand now where this came from and why.  Korea was the original intended destination and that went over like a ton of bricks in the McGranahan house.  It also led to one of the biggest (and only) fights i've ever had with my dad.  There were times I worried and wondered if we'd ever get back to being close like we were.  We did.  Yesterday we grabbed some brews.  We hit one of the skeeziest dive bars i've ever been in in my life.  Just like the old days.  We talked sports and travel and 'back in the day' stories, you know, the usual.  I don't know when it happened, it was before yesterday, but we had healed.  Our time together just confirmed that our relationship doesn't suffer eternally after one disagreement.  Family is supposed to challenge you, make you think, help you grow. 

It will be hard being far away from my family.  I remember my first Thanksgiving away from home, the first year I lived in Chicago.  Mom came up and we cooked in my tiny garden apartment.  My roommate slept until dinner.  Mom said she was never drinking again.  I just wanted to get through the day without throwing up.  Black Wednesday was a success.  The second year, I was on my own.  No mom, no family.  I cried a good bit, drank a lot of wine.  Again.  I got through it though, and each year it got a little bit easier.  You see, when half your family is working the week of Thanksgiving for college football rival week, it just doesn't make sense to fly south.  I began, that first year, learning how to make a family away from home.  My roommate and I had a hodgepodge of people over for dinner and we had a blast.  From there, my Chicago family grew.  I feel confident this will be the case no matter where I am in the world.  

Two weeks before take off and i'm already trying to prepare myself for my first Christmas away from home.  And by preparing myself, I mean not thinking about it.  I always thought my first Christmas not at home would be due to spending time with my boyfriend's family.  One minor detail...

A friend in Chicago asked me how my time home has been going.  I mentioned that few friends who lived in town had made an effort to reach out or to follow through with "let's hang outs."  I've been telling myself that everyone else is still living their life and mine is totally shifting gears.  Just because things are different for me right now, doesn't mean the world stops for them.  Oh yeah, that's right.  My friend reminded me simply that "family is the most important."  She's absolutely right.  Thank you, friend.  

When this is all said and done, the only certainty I have is that i'll be coming home to my family, and that's alright with me.  I'm lucky like that. 

Unemployed and Living With My Parents.

I've been home for two days.  Home.  What does that even mean anymore?

It took me a long time to accept that Chicago was my home.  I had never envisioned being there for six years.  I figured it would be two years and then on to the next phase of life.  Funny how life works.

One thing is certain, this place, in Greenville, SC where my parents raised me, never stopped being home.  So then it shouldn't be weird "moving back in," right?  Oh but it is...

There is no designated space, other than the (singular) drawer my mom cleared for me.  It was laughable when she announced it, "i've cleared this drawer for you."  I managed to keep my face blank and force out a thank you.  After all, my parents owe me nothing.  After she left my old (new again) room I looked around at all my bags and boxes and thought, "what the fuck am I going to do with all this?"  I left it until now.

So here I am with the bed made - it's not my bed.  My bed is probably in someone else's home in Chicago now, having been left out in the back alley of my apartment.  I've got a load of laundry in the dryer.  I'm literally surrounded by bags and boxes.. oh and collages from high school.  Haunting memories of a past that I can only seem to recall half of for some reason.  A reason I can guess, but can't be sure of, one that stares back at me from one frame in particular where each picture includes my face and another amongst all the rest.

When your heart breaks, it takes time to put it back together.  It took me almost four, maybe five, years in a far away land.  Far away from here.  Here, now, i'm forcing myself to be present by writing this entry instead of being sucked into the past or getting caught up in what lies ahead.  At some point i'll pick a bag and start unloading it.  When i'm done with that one, either i'll move on to the next, or i'll go downstairs and hang out with my parents, who have always given so much and have been the biggest support in the decision i've made recently.  Maybe my brother will have arrived by then - he had a late night of college football writing.  My grandma is here with my aunt too.  How awesome, how lucky I am to have such wonderful people that ground me.

Maybe i'll even be able to weasel my way into another drawer before it's all said and done.