What. Am. I. Thinking?

I've lived in Chicago for the last six years.  What an adventure - landed here after completing my undergrad at the University of South Carolina.  I decided a theatre degree wasn't going to cut it, so it was on to get my master's in clinical social work.  Turns out, when you're 18 years old and you aren't really sure what you want to do with your life, you also don't know what questions to ask in order to decide what you want to do with your life.  I figured things out, some would say, and made a life for myself in this little big, magical city.  The friends i'm leaving behind are so near and dear to my heart that i've already envisioned our first reunions post travels.  I've chosen to leave at a really huge time in several people's lives - marriages and babies on the horizon - and it is difficult to know what i'm choosing to miss.

I'm almost 30 and I don't have my dream job.  More importantly, i'm almost 30 and I no longer even know what my dream job is.  How can you reach for something when you have no idea what you're reaching for?  There has been one constant in my life for the last 10 years.. this nagging sense of wanderlust that I just can't shake.  I've never left the United States, not even for a silly spring break trip to Mexico.  I own nothing outside of about $50,000 in grad school loans.  I have no male suitors.  I'm not raising any kids, nor planning to any time soon.  What am I doing with my life?

In March of 2013 I opted to take a certification course in TEFL (the second time I considered this) and decided to hit the road with a wonderful, smart, savvy woman I befriended two years ago in my neighborhood pub.  I trust her with my life.

We have chosen to move to Thailand (first) to teach English.  I have no idea where this journey will take me - hopefully around the world and back.  I hope to visit as many places as I can, meet more people than I can remember, try foods i've never heard of, and see sights that only others dream about - that i've only dreamed about...

My mind is always moving in a million directions.  I'm fairly good at lots of different things, but have never been able to really focus energies and hone skills to totally rock at one thing.  I love art and photography, though to say i'm an amateur at both is the understatement of the year.  Theatre is a past love affair that i'll never quite get over, so sitting in the audience at a show of any kind is always bittersweet, but mostly sweet.  I strive to write as well as my dad and twin brother - both professional journalists in every sense of the word.  I love people - meeting them, figuring them out, helping them, laughing with them, knowing them.. this is probably my greatest strength.  I attribute my ability to connect with others to my mom, a compassionate, strong, independent, worrier.  It's like looking in the mirror.  She has inspired me to take this step and is probably more terrified about this decision than anyone else in my life.  That is love.

When you decide to move to the other side of the world and do a complete overhaul to your professional life, the responses from others are, as to be expected, varied:

-That's so brave, I could never do that.
-That is incredible, i'm so jealous.
-I wish I could do that again.
-Are you out of your mind?  What if you get sick/lost/lonely/scared?
-How long are you going/when are you coming back/it's just for a year, right?

From what I can gather, those who have traveled, and traveled well, always know someone to email, used to be a part of something they want to share, have a recommendation of a place to stay, restaurant to eat at, activity to do.  Then there are those whose comfort zones you have assaulted with just the idea of doing this.  Nothing like telling someone you're going to travel around the world to realize they believe the world revolves around them.  The best reply goes along the line of "do it, that's awesome, now is the time, i'm so excited for you, I can't wait to hear about it, you better blog, i'm going to miss you like crazy."  

I wonder if at times, people forget that to choose to do this doesn't come easily and the reality is, i'll see the world, but I won't see my friends or my family.  Some people can do both, I have to pick.  Close friendships will last regardless of distance.  I learned this when I moved to Chicago.  My family will always be my family.  I've got the best one in the world, even if my brother doesn't understand this need of mine to the point that he can only shrug his shoulders and shake his head in disapproval (translation: fear).  I told someone once, a friend I haven't yet met but acquired once I told my best friend what I was doing, that my brother isn't as adventurous as I am and that he would come to visit me just because that's the kind of brother he is.   My quasi friend's response was, "maybe he won't want to leave once he sees what it's all about."  Maybe... but unlikely.  He loves South Carolina and it wasn't long ago that he notified me with such confident certainty that he would never be leaving the south to live anywhere else.  Not all twins are alike.  I know my future if I want to be near my family, so i'm focusing on the here and now, and going ahead with scratching this traveling itch.

Right now, the here and now is preparing for a move to Thailand.  Embracing all of my decisions (good and bad) that have led to this point.  Appreciating the relationships that have developed and remembering those that have faded.  Getting a taste of the foods I enjoy and won't be able to find often soon enough.  Focusing my energies on all that lies ahead and trying to utilize the building anticipation effectively.