Friendship

Meeting new people and making new friends is something most people like to do.  I enjoy it tremendously.  Although, I do believe a few very good friends is a better bargain than lots of 'sort of' friends.  Still, I have found that taking hold of the opportunity to make new friends can really deliver unexpected results.

The first year I was living in Chicago, I lived with a good friend from college.  It was a difficult transition moving to Chicago and figuring out where to meet new people was not easy.  After a couple of months, training for my new bar job started.  I found myself drawn to several people.  A vivacious, beautifully spirited, bright eyed, blonde woman from New York.  An honest, jovial Chicago woman who valued sarcasm and a good laugh as much as I do.  A couple from the suburbs, one a a lively, slightly cynical young man with an eye for inner beauty and a pension for saying it like it is.  The other a quieter, but fascinating brainiac of a guy who could find a connection with anyone, even if he didn't like them.  These four quickly became, not just my colleagues, but my friends, my drinking buddies, my confidants, my family away from family.  We developed a close knit circle that included laughs, tears, surprise birthdays, breakups, and moves.

Later that year, my friend/roommate's friend from home came to visit him in Chicago.  He would be staying with us, but my friend/roommate would be unable to take time off of work to entertain our guest, "You can do it, right, Laur?"  Sigh, "I guess."  I had some of my most fun days in Chicago with this fast friend.  The second time he came to visit, we had even more fun than the first.  Although, this time we opted out of faking our recent marriage.  We had plenty of laughs over it, and still do.  You see, he has become one of my best friends.  I was over the moon when he decided to also move to Chicago.  We considered living together a few times, but it never panned out.  In fact, he was always there to help me move.  Sometimes he was the only one who bothered to show up.  He knows more about me than i'd care to admit because this is a friendship where we've seen each other at our bests, but more importantly at our worsts.  I'm talking 3:00 in the morning, in tears, wailing at the front door of my 3rd floor walk up because it was his birthday and he drank way too much and lost his keys.  My first thought when I went down the three flights of stairs and found him in a ball on the steps was, "How the hell am I going to get him upstairs by myself?"  He is more sensible than myself and had a tendency to be a little more embarrassed than me for a little bit longer, but I assure you, he's seen me in equally poor situations, and I viewed his mishaps as equalizers, opportunities for me to pay him back.  We have different views on lots of things, but over time we have found a way to find common ground and to talk about the things where we do not share any ground.

There are friends that you think will always be around, but fade ever so slowly into darkness.  Then there are friends that you never thought you'd still have this many years later, that are burning bright as ever.

There's the friend you made playing soccer when you were 12, who though only 1 year younger than you, who has always felt like a little sister who you need to protect.  Come to find out, she has always felt the the same way, that you're the big sister, and she too needs to protect you.  This is reaffirmed every time she let some guy or some shitty friend have it, "Because he's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, Laur."  The one who you don't even have to tell there is something wrong, because even thousands of miles away, from the other side of the world, during a FaceTime session, she can tell.  When you say, "I'm fine,"  She let's you get away with it for a little bit but because she knows better, you always tell her the things that you didn't even know for sure you thought or felt.  She's the friend who comes to visit and turns your studio apartment into a post natural disaster sight.  When you get home and tell her as much she asks why you're being such a bitch, you ask where the wine is, and she's already poured you a glass.  You're late to dinner because you sit amongst the wreckage talking about anything and everything, laughing and farting, because that's what you do with your best friend.

There is the first gal pal you made after surviving the trauma of having the worst set of girlfriends in college.  She is the one who helped you see that not all girls are bitches, that being open to female friendship is still worthwhile.  She's the friend you stand on the sidewalk with in an embrace crying, outside of a bar in Chicago, because she and her new husband have decided to move away to Florida and you just don't know what your life will be like once she's gone.  She's one of the first friends you bounced the idea off of to quit your job and go across the world.  This is the friend who couldn't have been more supportive, who gave you the courage to go forward with it, even though you were scared shitless.  When you get cards for your birthday and Christmas, the return address belongs to this friend.

There is the friend, a little older, a little wiser.  The friend who gets you a bar gig to help you make a little extra cash and meet some new folks because she just believes that you'd be a good fit.  So much so, that when you talk to the manager over the phone for the first time, he just wants to know when you can start, "But you haven't even asked me any questions yet."  When he tells you that you have the job because he just trusts your friend, you know you've found someone you want to keep around.  And that proves to be a great choice because not only is she someone you aspire to be like professionally, but she is someone who you look to for guidance in friendships, life, and love.  She is one of the wisest and funniest people you know.

Then there's the couple.  The girl you met at work who you weren't really sure about at first.  When you became friends and shared past heartaches and current challenges, you realized that even though on the outside you look like you have little in common, on the inside there is no denying that you were meant to be friends.  When you meet the man she loves, you love him too because he is funny and crude and loud, just like you.  He is "you in male form" she says and "it is awesome" in the weirdest way.  The night they asked you to be in their wedding while you sat atop a bail of hay in the middle of the north side of Chicago, you cried because you were honored and surprised and a little buzzed.  Missing their wedding because you decided to leave for Thailand was a difficult choice and so you spent their day trying to enjoy where you were because you knew that's what they wanted you to do.

Meeting friends through work was unexpected.  So when you met the other girl, the tall blonde girl who seemed quiet at first (trickery), and you discovered how much fun the two of you have together (too much), and you get to watch her dog while she goes out of town, and she gives you a tour of her new condo, showing you the room "where you will stay when you come back to visit," and she tells you how proud she is of you for getting in shape, getting out there, moving to Thailand, whatever goal you've recently set for yourself, you know you've landed another good one.  You see music together and dance with reckless abandon and you always have a lot to laugh about and discuss the following day.

The reality is that i've been so lucky to have come across so many amazing people who have inspired me, supported me, challenged me, and it wasn't until I sat here thinking about all of those people that I realized how lengthy this little rant could become.  And my original intention for writing this is now gone.  I was feeling plagued by my tendency to hold on to people for too long, to try and maintain friendships that maybe have outgrown themselves.  But I can't be upset about the loss of those faded friendships, or the fact that as someone who loves with all my heart, I hate letting go, because I don't regret any of it.  I can only be excited about the future friends and thankful for the current ones.  In the time i've been on this journey called life, i've met so many amazing people.  I don't know if they'll be part of my life forever, but I know i'm enjoying the ride and i'm grateful for all of it.